BOSTON, MA – Former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick has officially announced that he is joining the crowded field of Democrats seeking the nomination for President of the United States for some odd […]
Deval Patrick? Whatever, Yeah, Sure
Desperate DNC Throws Bloomberg Against the Wall, Sees if He Sticks
WASHINGTON, DC – Growing increasingly desperate that one of their preferred candidates has yet to emerge as a clear frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic Primaries, the Democratic Party has thrown former New […]
CNN: Tonight’s Debate to be Total Shit Show
WESTERVILLE, OH – CNN has confirmed that tonight’s fourth democratic debate at Otterbein University will be a total shit show rife with technical difficulties, protest interruptions, failed zingers, and generalized chaos on […]
Candidates on the Issues: The McRib
The 2020 election cycle is well underway, and many candidates have weighed in on a variety of topics. BeetPress will be visiting these topics to see where the candidates stand on the […]
Baltimore Rats Form Political Action Committee to Impeach Donald Trump
BALTIMORE, MD – Outraged by the president’s recent remarks, the RCB (Rodent Committee of Baltimore) has formed the political action committee Rat PAC to impeach Donald Trump. “My clients are mammals just […]
Kamala Harris Has Tulsi Gabbard Arrested
DETROIT, MI – Following the 2nd democratic debates in Detroit on Wednesday, democratic candidate Tulsi Gabbard was arrested outside of the Fox Theater for ‘personal assault’ against fellow candidate Kamala Harris. During […]
