BETHESDA, MD – With just over a month until the first votes are cast in the 2020 democratic primaries, the John Delaney is as optimistic as ever, confident that his presidential campaign […]
John Delaney's Renewed Optimism for 2020 Campaign
Susan Sarandon Recovering After Attack by Neera Tanden
MANCHESTER, NH – Academy award-winning actress and political activist Susan Sarandon is recovering after a confrontation with Center for American Progress President Neera Tanden left her with bruises and a concussion. The […]
Your Aunt: So Many Great Candidates
ERIE, PA – As she prepared snacks and drinks in advance of the fifth democratic presidential primary debate, your aunt declared that there are so many great candidates. “There are so many […]
Deval Patrick? Whatever, Yeah, Sure
BOSTON, MA – Former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick has officially announced that he is joining the crowded field of Democrats seeking the nomination for President of the United States for some odd […]
Desperate DNC Throws Bloomberg Against the Wall, Sees if He Sticks
WASHINGTON, DC – Growing increasingly desperate that one of their preferred candidates has yet to emerge as a clear frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic Primaries, the Democratic Party has thrown former New […]
CNN: Tonight’s Debate to be Total Shit Show
WESTERVILLE, OH – CNN has confirmed that tonight’s fourth democratic debate at Otterbein University will be a total shit show rife with technical difficulties, protest interruptions, failed zingers, and generalized chaos on […]
2020 Democrats Announce Comedy Tour
LOS ANGELES, CA – The 2020 democratic presidential candidates have announced they will be launching their Fall 2019 comedy tour “Dems of Comedy” at the Laugh Factory on Friday, October 18th followed […]
Dems Seeking Middle Aged Queer Black Woman to Run for President
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to not alienate voters, the democratic party has chosen a queer black middle-aged woman to seek the nomination for president. With such a diverse selection of […]
Candidates on the Issues: The McRib
The 2020 election cycle is well underway, and many candidates have weighed in on a variety of topics. BeetPress will be visiting these topics to see where the candidates stand on the […]
Chris Cillizza Has That Dream Again Where Bernie Doesn’t Exist
FALLS CHURCH, VA – As the soft light of morning shone through the window and lapped across the face of Chris Cillizza, the CNN political commentator was disappointed to come to the […]
