WESTERVILLE, OH – CNN has confirmed that tonight’s fourth democratic debate at Otterbein University will be a total shit show rife with technical difficulties, protest interruptions, failed zingers, and generalized chaos on stage. According to moderator Anderson Cooper, “what viewers… Read More ›
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to not alienate voters, the democratic party has chosen a queer black middle-aged woman to seek the nomination for president. With such a diverse selection of candidates, voters are faced with a unique challenge…. Read More ›
The 2020 election cycle is well underway, and many candidates have weighed in on a variety of topics. BeetPress will be visiting these topics to see where the candidates stand on the issues Americans care most about. For many Americans,… Read More ›
FALLS CHURCH, VA – As the soft light of morning shone through the window and lapped across the face of Chris Cillizza, the CNN political commentator was disappointed to come to the realization that Bernie Sanders does in fact exist,… Read More ›
WASHINGTON, DC – The Democratic National Committee has announced the creation of a super-duper-delegate to deploy in the event second-ballot voting doesn’t select a nominee during a brokered convention. After calls for reform by progressives following the 2016 democratic primaries,… Read More ›
BALTIMORE, MD – Outraged by the president’s recent remarks, the RCB (Rodent Committee of Baltimore) has formed the political action committee Rat PAC to impeach Donald Trump. “My clients are mammals just like me and you,” said the RCB’s lawyer… Read More ›
