SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Nearly three years into Trump’s presidency, liberals across America are longing for the days of yore, when Barack Obama was president, and the biggest concern facing most people was getting a brunch table at a trendy… Read More ›
Donald Trump
Trump Warns Ohio to Prepare for Hurricane Dorian
WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump tweeted out to the residents of Ohio to hunker down and be prepared for the arrival of Hurricane Dorian later this week. At a press conference, Trump reiterated his concern for Ohio. “This is… Read More ›
DoD to Allow Trump One Nuke Against Dorian
ARLINGTON, VA – The Department of Defense has reportedly allowed President Donald Trump the use of one nuclear weapon against Hurricane Dorian, a controversial move intended to satiate the President and get the idea out of his system. “I got… Read More ›
DNC Planning to Nominate Reanimated Hubert Humphrey for 2020 Run
WASHINGTON, DC – With the party struggling to find a standard bearer to represent democrats in the presidential race against Donald Trump in 2020, party insiders are floating the idea of elevating Hubert Humphrey to the nomination, BeetPress has learned…. Read More ›
Political Activist Actually Just Sad, Bitter Little Man
NEW YORK, NY – For many political enthusiasts, having your favored candidate lose an election can be a difficult experience, but for Dan Week, Hillary Clinton’s 2016 loss against Donald Trump was personal. “I’ve been in love with Hillary ever… Read More ›
Susan Sarandon Most Powerful Person in America
LOS ANGELES, CA – When most people think about the most powerful and influential people in America, they often think of presidents, politicians, and captains of industry, but one person, actress Susan Sarandon, has risen to the top of global… Read More ›
Bill Maher Aroused Seeing Stock Market Plunge
LOS ANGELES, CA – Upon seeing the Dow Jones Industrial Average tumble by over 600 points on Thursday, Bill Maher, Comedian and host of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, reportedly became physically aroused. “Oh man, look at those numbers… Read More ›
