EL PASO, TX – Two months after suspending his campaign for President of the United States, former congressman Beto O’Rourke was recently spotted working at an El Paso-area Hot Topic store. “I […]
Beto O'Rourke Now Working at Hot Topic
John Delaney's Renewed Optimism for 2020 Campaign
BETHESDA, MD – With just over a month until the first votes are cast in the 2020 democratic primaries, the John Delaney is as optimistic as ever, confident that his presidential campaign […]
Deval Patrick? Whatever, Yeah, Sure
BOSTON, MA – Former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick has officially announced that he is joining the crowded field of Democrats seeking the nomination for President of the United States for some odd […]
Desperate DNC Throws Bloomberg Against the Wall, Sees if He Sticks
WASHINGTON, DC – Growing increasingly desperate that one of their preferred candidates has yet to emerge as a clear frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic Primaries, the Democratic Party has thrown former New […]
CNN: Tonight’s Debate to be Total Shit Show
WESTERVILLE, OH – CNN has confirmed that tonight’s fourth democratic debate at Otterbein University will be a total shit show rife with technical difficulties, protest interruptions, failed zingers, and generalized chaos on […]
2020 Democrats Announce Comedy Tour
LOS ANGELES, CA – The 2020 democratic presidential candidates have announced they will be launching their Fall 2019 comedy tour “Dems of Comedy” at the Laugh Factory on Friday, October 18th followed […]
Dems Seeking Middle Aged Queer Black Woman to Run for President
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to not alienate voters, the democratic party has chosen a queer black middle-aged woman to seek the nomination for president. With such a diverse selection of […]
Candidates on the Issues: The McRib
The 2020 election cycle is well underway, and many candidates have weighed in on a variety of topics. BeetPress will be visiting these topics to see where the candidates stand on the […]
Chris Cillizza Has That Dream Again Where Bernie Doesn’t Exist
FALLS CHURCH, VA – As the soft light of morning shone through the window and lapped across the face of Chris Cillizza, the CNN political commentator was disappointed to come to the […]
DNC Creates Super-Duper Delegate, Just in Case
WASHINGTON, DC – The Democratic National Committee has announced the creation of a super-duper-delegate to deploy in the event second-ballot voting doesn’t select a nominee during a brokered convention. After calls for […]
