MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Just three weeks ago, pundits had counted John Delaney out – he was attracting small crowds, polling in the low single digits, and seemingly unable to gain traction in […]
Delaney Wows 20,000-plus Crowd
Political Activist Actually Just Sad, Bitter Little Man
NEW YORK, NY – For many political enthusiasts, having your favored candidate lose an election can be a difficult experience, but for Dan Week, Hillary Clinton’s 2016 loss against Donald Trump was […]
Sanders Mourns Loss of 2nd Favorite Nemesis
NEW YORK, NY – Upon hearing the news of billionaire David Koch’s passing at age 79, Bernie Sanders bowed his head in quiet reflection of the thousands of times he had invoked […]
Elizabeth Warren Campaign Struggling to Keep up with Copying Sanders
BOSTON, MA – According to sources, Elizabeth Warren has been struggling to keep up with copying Senator Bernie Sanders’ campaign platform as the 2020 democratic primary intensifies. Campaign staff, recognizing Warren’s refusal […]
Voters Want to Know: Who’s Eating What at the Iowa State Fair?
DES MOINES, IA – Every four years, presidential candidates flock to the Iowa State Fair to connect with voters, pose for photo ops, and to sample some of the many varieties of […]
Nation Briefly Feels Bad for Delaney Before Remembering He’s a Multimillionaire
WASHINGTON, DC – Following an abysmal performance in the last round of democratic debates and a series of embarrassing tweets, Americans felt a brief sense of pathos toward the flailing democratic candidate […]
Delaney: Sanders’ McRib Plan Will Reduce Quality
DETROIT, MI – Sparks flew at the Democratic Debate last night as John Delaney went on the attack against Senator Bernie Sanders’ Make-McRib-Available-Year-Round plan. According to his campaign website, Delaney’s plan for […]
Kamala Harris: Make McRib Available Year Round
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Just in time for the second series of democratic debates, California Senator and candidate Kamala Harris has unveiled her plan to make the McRib sandwich available throughout the […]
Socialism Unpopular, According to Trump-Funded Poll
WASHINGTON, DC – According to a recent poll, socialism is unpopular, with fewer than two respondents having a favorable opinion of the left-wing ideology. The results of the Official Socialism Approval Poll, […]
This Headline a Deceptive Smear Against Sanders
NEW YORK – You probably won’t read this article, and that’s fine. Our main goal is to subtly get in your mind through our headline that democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is […]
