BETHESDA, MD – With just over a month until the first votes are cast in the 2020 democratic primaries, the John Delaney is as optimistic as ever, confident that his presidential campaign […]
John Delaney’s Renewed Optimism for 2020 Campaign
Sanders Supporters Declare Victory Amid Positive Press Coverage
NEW YORK, NY – Amid news coverage that acknowledges Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is a serious player in the 2020 democratic primary race, Sanders supporters from coast to coast are breathing a […]
Billionaire Determined to Destroy Sanders Candidacy by Sneaking in Donation
NEW YORK, NY – Billionaire industrialist, philanthropist, and bicyclist H. E. Pennypacker has vowed to destroy the presidential candidacy of Senator Bernie Sanders by sneaking in an $18 donation while the candidate […]
December Debate to Feature Jell-O Wrestling
LOS ANGELES, CA – In a bid to inject a bit more excitement into the proceedings, Politico has announced that the December democratic debate to be held at Loyola Marymount University on […]
Susan Sarandon Recovering After Attack by Neera Tanden
MANCHESTER, NH – Academy award-winning actress and political activist Susan Sarandon is recovering after a confrontation with Center for American Progress President Neera Tanden left her with bruises and a concussion. The […]
Your Aunt: So Many Great Candidates
ERIE, PA – As she prepared snacks and drinks in advance of the fifth democratic presidential primary debate, your aunt declared that there are so many great candidates. “There are so many […]
Ariana Grande Announces Collaboration with Folk Singer Bernie Sanders
LOS ANGELES, CA – Pop and R&B singer Ariana Grande recently announced a collaboration with folk singer Bernie Sanders in hopes of expanding her fanbase into a traditionally untapped market. According to […]
Deval Patrick? Whatever, Yeah, Sure
BOSTON, MA – Former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick has officially announced that he is joining the crowded field of Democrats seeking the nomination for President of the United States for some odd […]
Desperate DNC Throws Bloomberg Against the Wall, Sees if He Sticks
WASHINGTON, DC – Growing increasingly desperate that one of their preferred candidates has yet to emerge as a clear frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic Primaries, the Democratic Party has thrown former New […]
CNN: Tonight’s Debate to be Total Shit Show
WESTERVILLE, OH – CNN has confirmed that tonight’s fourth democratic debate at Otterbein University will be a total shit show rife with technical difficulties, protest interruptions, failed zingers, and generalized chaos on […]
