BOSTON, MA – Former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick has officially announced that he is joining the crowded field of Democrats seeking the nomination for President of the United States for some odd […]
Deval Patrick? Whatever, Yeah, Sure
Dem Frontrunner Surges to 8%
SOUTH BEND, IN – For a candidate who was polling at a mere 8.4% six months ago, it’s hard to believe that South Bend, Indiana Mayor Pete Buttigieg is now, as claimed […]
Desperate DNC Throws Bloomberg Against the Wall, Sees if He Sticks
WASHINGTON, DC – Growing increasingly desperate that one of their preferred candidates has yet to emerge as a clear frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic Primaries, the Democratic Party has thrown former New […]
Jeff Bezos Launches GoFundMe to Help Niece in Need
SEATTLE – Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has launched a GoFundMe campaign to help raise money for his niece who is experiencing a string of bad luck, sources report. The GoFundMe campaign “Help […]
Warren Enjoys Big Structural Donut
BOSTON, MA – Sources close to the democratic presidential candidate have confirmed that Senator Elizabeth Warren enjoyed a big, structural donut for breakfast Wednesday morning. “I try to eat healthy. I usually […]
Yang Asks Supporter for Molly
DES MOINES, IA – At his Yangapalooza campaign event on Friday, democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang asked a supporter if he could provide him with Molly, according to sources. Molly, the street […]
NPR: Medicare-for-All Least Popular Proposal in the History of the World
WASHINGTON, DC – According to a poll of NPR hosts, producers, and stakeholders, the Medicare for All program proposed by such democratic presidential candidates as [the Senator from Vermont] is the most […]
CNN: Tonight’s Debate to be Total Shit Show
WESTERVILLE, OH – CNN has confirmed that tonight’s fourth democratic debate at Otterbein University will be a total shit show rife with technical difficulties, protest interruptions, failed zingers, and generalized chaos on […]
2020 Democrats Announce Comedy Tour
LOS ANGELES, CA – The 2020 democratic presidential candidates have announced they will be launching their Fall 2019 comedy tour “Dems of Comedy” at the Laugh Factory on Friday, October 18th followed […]
Pence Has Whole Slate of Homophobic Policy Ready in Case Trump Impeached
WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Mike Pence spent the weekend putting together a myriad of anti-gay proposals in the event that President Donald Trump is impeached. According to Pence, the first thing […]
