BOSTON, MA – Sources close to the democratic presidential candidate have confirmed that Senator Elizabeth Warren enjoyed a big, structural donut for breakfast Wednesday morning. “I try to eat healthy. I usually […]
Warren Enjoys Big Structural Donut
Yang Asks Supporter for Molly
DES MOINES, IA – At his Yangapalooza campaign event on Friday, democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang asked a supporter if he could provide him with Molly, according to sources. Molly, the street […]
NPR: Medicare-for-All Least Popular Proposal in the History of the World
WASHINGTON, DC – According to a poll of NPR hosts, producers, and stakeholders, the Medicare for All program proposed by such democratic presidential candidates as [the Senator from Vermont] is the most […]
CNN: Tonight’s Debate to be Total Shit Show
WESTERVILLE, OH – CNN has confirmed that tonight’s fourth democratic debate at Otterbein University will be a total shit show rife with technical difficulties, protest interruptions, failed zingers, and generalized chaos on […]
2020 Democrats Announce Comedy Tour
LOS ANGELES, CA – The 2020 democratic presidential candidates have announced they will be launching their Fall 2019 comedy tour “Dems of Comedy” at the Laugh Factory on Friday, October 18th followed […]
Pence Has Whole Slate of Homophobic Policy Ready in Case Trump Impeached
WASHINGTON, DC – Vice President Mike Pence spent the weekend putting together a myriad of anti-gay proposals in the event that President Donald Trump is impeached. According to Pence, the first thing […]
Americans Fondly Recall Days When President was Homophobic Murderer
UNITED STATES – Nearly three years into Donald Trump’s presidency, nostalgic Americans are fondly recalling better times in which the president was a simply a homophobic war criminal. “Every time I turn […]
Klobuchar Delights Audience with Story of Killing Homeless Man While Shopping
DES MOINES, IA – Speaking at a campaign event on Sunday, Senator and democratic presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar recalled the time she accidentally ran over a homeless man. “Like millions of hardworking […]
DNA Test Proves Sanders not Salvadoran
BURLINGTON, VT – Senator Bernie Sanders is running damage control after a DNA test disproved his long-held claim that he’s of Salvadoran descent. Sanders agreed to take the DNA test, provided by […]
Breaking: Beginning of the End for Trump
WASHINGTON, DC – With the latest news coming out of Washington, sources confirm this is the beginning of the end of President Donald Trump. “The walls are definitely closing in,” commented MSNBC’s […]
