WASHINGTON, DC – The Biden Inaugural Committee has announced that the theme for the President-elect’s upcoming inauguration will be #GiantPlatitude. “Given the unprecedented crisis and deep divisions America is facing, we wanted […]
Biden announces #GiantPlatitude as inauguration theme
Pussyhatted Trump supporters storm Capitol
WASHINGTON, DC – Just hours before lawmakers attempted to count the Electoral College to certify Joe Biden as the next President of the United States, a mob of angry Trump supporters wearing […]
Trump-aligned PAC discovers 81,281,888 cases of voter fraud
WASHINGTON, DC – An audit conducted by the Donald Trump-aligned Save America PAC has discovered 81,281,888 instances of voter fraud committed during the 2020 presidential election. “What we’ve uncovered through independent investigations […]
The best (and worst) Beach Boys Christmas albums
Grab a mug of egg nog and wax up your surfboard! BeetPress proudly presents the best (and worst) Beach Boys Christmas albums. 1. The Beach Boys’ Christmas Album Featuring classic Christmas fare […]
Transportation Secretary Buttigieg proposes high-speed model trains
WASHINGTON, DC – Secretary of Transportation-elect Pete Buttigieg has laid out an ambitious infrastructure plan that includes building thousands of high-speed model train sets in basements and recreation rooms across America. “When […]
Covid-19 relief bill just gives $908B to Jeff Bezos
WASHINGTON, DC – A bipartisan Covid-19 relief bill introduced in Congress will give Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos $908 billion if passed. Although this latest stimulus falls short of providing American taxpayers a […]
NBC planning Golden Girls reboot with remaining cast members
HOLLYWOOD, CA – NBCUniversal has announced a reboot of the classic sitcom The Golden Girls, featuring all living cast members of the original series. “Given the state of the world right now, […]
Elizabeth Warren appointed Secretary of Janet Yellen
BOSTON, MA – Joe Biden has reportedly tapped Senator Elizabeth Warren for Secretary of Janet Yellen, according to a spokesperson from the Office of the President-Elect. The appointment comes as a surprise […]
Trump admits six new red states into Union, wins election
WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump signed an executive order Friday adding six new states to the United States of America. According to the executive order, the new states include East Oregon, […]
Liberals saddened to find most brunch places out of business
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – With the 2020 election and the presidency of Donald Trump squarely in the rearview mirror, the nation’s liberals have only one thought on their mind Sunday: their first […]
