HOUSTON, TX – Former presidential candidate and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has reportedly set up a clandestine abortion clinic in Houston after the Supreme Court denied requests to stop Texas’s six-week […]
Hillary Clinton Sets Up Back-Alley Abortion Clinic in Houston
US Sets Record of Six Hours Without War
WASHINGTON, DC – Just hours after the end of the war in Afghanistan, the United States has set a new peacetime record marking the longest period of time the nation has gone […]
Elon Musk unveils robot that can satisfy your wife
PALO ALTO, CA – Tesla CEO Elon Musk has unveiled plans for a robot that can sexually satisfy your wife. According to Musk, Tesla will branch out from building electric, self-driving cars […]
Ted Cruz receives face transplant
HOUSTON, TX – Texas Senator Ted Cruz has undergone a successful face transplant procedure at Houston Methodist Hospital, according to sources close to the republican lawmaker. “It was getting to the point […]
Anthony Weiner announces NY governor bid in wake of Cuomo resignation
ALBANY, NY – In the wake of Anthony Cuomo’s resignation amid allegations of sexual misconduct, former New York congressman Anthony Weiner announced Wednesday that he will seek the gubernatorial seat vacated by […]
Buttigieg announces $160B plan to paint American streets with pride rainbows
WASHINGTON, DC – Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg has announced a $160 billion plan, part of the larger $1 trillion infrastructure bill, to paint every street in America with rainbows. “I can’t think […]
Billionaires plan to colonize Uranus
TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, NM – Fresh off a successful flight to the edge of space Sunday, Virgin Galactic CEO Richard Branson says he and Virgin are opening Uranus for everyone. “Imagine a […]
Democrats reach bipartisan deal to capitulate to Republican demands
WASHINGTON, DC – Senate Democrats have announced a bipartisan agreement to capitulate to Republican demands on a variety of issues including gun control, climate action, voting rights, and their centerpiece infrastructure bill. […]
House Republicans pledge an extra $20B to Bezos for no reason
WASHINGTON, DC – Republicans in Congress have pledged an additional $20 billion to Amazon founder Jeff Bezos for no specific reason whatsoever. This comes in response to Maria Cantwell’s (D-WA) request for […]
Biden pledges to double student debt by 2024
WASHINGTON, DC – In a move liberals are calling “surprisingly progressive” and “a breath of fresh air,” President Joe Biden has announced that he has set a goal to double student debt […]
