NEW YORK, NY – In a move that has surprised investors, former Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli was named the CEO of drugmaker Pfizer on Friday. The announcement comes just days before […]
Martin Shkreli named Pfizer CEO
Donna Summer Fam Pushes Back After Harry Styles Named New Queen of Disco
LONDON, ENGLAND – Family members and fans of the late disco superstar Donna Summers are furious after Rolling Stone UK published a cover story naming former One Direction heartthrob Harry Styles the […]
Elon Musk pledges to buy the Delaware Court of Chancery
GEORGETOWN, DE – Citing his displeasure with the Court’s decision to hear a lawsuit filed by the social media giant Twitter to force him to honor a purchase agreement made in April, […]
Republican Lawmakers Call for Reversal of Lawn Dart Ban
WASHINGTON, DC – Republican lawmakers, including Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert (R-03) are calling for a reversal of the decades-old ban on lawn darts. “We live in a country where semi-automatic rifles are […]
“Kaylee Would Have Wanted 2nd Amendment Rights”, Says Senator of Slain 6 Year Old
UVALDE, TX – Texas Senator Ted Cruz paid tribute to the victims of a mass shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde Tuesday that killed fourteen students and one teacher saying “I […]
Pelosi Recommends Ice Cream to Fill Baby Formula Gap
WASHINGTON, DC – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has suggested that mothers unable to purchase baby formula consider feeding their infants ice cream as a temporary measure until the United States supply of […]
Republicans Propose “Plan C” to Force Fetuses into Unpregnant Women
WASHINGTON, DC – According to a leaked memo, Republican lawmakers are planning to introduce legislation that will mandate women of reproductive age who have not had a child within the past five […]
Desperate Liberals Beg Susan Sarandon for Abortion Rights
LOS ANGELES, CA – Upon learning through leaked documents that the Supreme Court intends to overturn the landmark abortion-rights case Roe v Wade, desperate liberals are pleading with actress Susan Sarandon to […]
Biden Forgives Student Debt for Ukrainian College Graduates
WASHINGTON, DC – President Biden announced Thursday that he is signing an executive order forgiving up to $400 billion in student loan debt for Ukrainian college graduates long burdened under crippling financial […]
Queen Elizabeth II Celebrates 96th Birthday with Bowl of Special K and a BM
NORFOLK, ENGLAND – England’s Queen Elizabeth II celebrated her 96th Birthday, an event which also marks her 70th years on the throne, with a small bowl of Special K and a bowel […]
