NEW YORK, NY – Statistician and fivethirtyeight.com editor Nate Silver spent the bulk of Saturday evening masturbating to the latest DMR/Selzer polling data out of Iowa. “I had a date with some friends for drinks, but when data comes out… Read More ›
FALLS CHURCH, VA – As the soft light of morning shone through the window and lapped across the face of Chris Cillizza, the CNN political commentator was disappointed to come to the realization that Bernie Sanders does in fact exist,… Read More ›
HELL – The Prince of Darkness vomited with rage when Jeffrey Epstein showed up in Hell. “Jesus Christ!” the Devil reportedly exclaimed, examining a scroll with a list of Epstein’s sins. “I mean— Holy shit— This guy. Holy shit!” Lucifer… Read More ›
LOS ANGELES, CA – When most people think about the most powerful and influential people in America, they often think of presidents, politicians, and captains of industry, but one person, actress Susan Sarandon, has risen to the top of global… Read More ›
LOS ANGELES, CA – Upon seeing the Dow Jones Industrial Average tumble by over 600 points on Thursday, Bill Maher, Comedian and host of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, reportedly became physically aroused. “Oh man, look at those numbers… Read More ›
NEW YORK, NY – According to sources, political analyst and editor-in-chief of fivethirtyeight.com Nate Silver underwent a complete statistectomy after the 2016 election. “Upon closer examination, we began to understand that Mr. Silver’s ability to use statistics and data to… Read More ›
DES MOINES, IA – Tragedy struck the Iowa State Fair on Friday as a several democratic presidential candidates were injured as a malfunctioning Ferris Wheel jolted to a stop, stranding them several hundred feet in the air for nearly three… Read More ›
