NEW YORK, NY – In a move that has surprised investors, former Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli was named the CEO of drugmaker Pfizer on Friday. The announcement comes just days before […]
Martin Shkreli named Pfizer CEO
Elon Musk pledges to buy the Delaware Court of Chancery
GEORGETOWN, DE – Citing his displeasure with the Court’s decision to hear a lawsuit filed by the social media giant Twitter to force him to honor a purchase agreement made in April, […]
Republican Lawmakers Call for Reversal of Lawn Dart Ban
WASHINGTON, DC – Republican lawmakers, including Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert (R-03) are calling for a reversal of the decades-old ban on lawn darts. “We live in a country where semi-automatic rifles are […]
Liberals Flock to Truth Social After Elon Musk Twitter Takeover
CALIFORNIA – Fulfilling a pledge to leave the social media platform if purchased by billionaire Elon Musk, liberal Twitter users are flocking to alternative social media platforms including Truth Social. Musk’s purchase […]
Facebook Introduces “Pimp My Profile” Feature to Attract MySpace Users
MENLO PARK, CA – In an effort to improve its social media experience and bolster its waning user base, Facebook will introduce a series of new features to compete against rival MySpace. […]
Elon Musk unveils robot that can satisfy your wife
PALO ALTO, CA – Tesla CEO Elon Musk has unveiled plans for a robot that can sexually satisfy your wife. According to Musk, Tesla will branch out from building electric, self-driving cars […]
Billionaires plan to colonize Uranus
TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, NM – Fresh off a successful flight to the edge of space Sunday, Virgin Galactic CEO Richard Branson says he and Virgin are opening Uranus for everyone. “Imagine a […]
House Republicans pledge an extra $20B to Bezos for no reason
WASHINGTON, DC – Republicans in Congress have pledged an additional $20 billion to Amazon founder Jeff Bezos for no specific reason whatsoever. This comes in response to Maria Cantwell’s (D-WA) request for […]
American Girlfriends Demand More Hard Seltzer Choices
NEW YORK, NY – Spring is finally here, and girlfriends across the country are ready to put the trauma of the past year behind them and meet up with their gal-pals to […]
Elon Musk buys Bolivia, renames it ß-Œ 54-e-A
LA PAZ, BOLIVIA – In a move he describes as a no brainer, Tesla CEO Elon Musk has purchased the South American country of Bolivia for $40.5 billion and renamed it ß-Œ […]
