Author Archives
Satirist, Filmmaker, Person
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Advisors Urge Biden Not to Talk Until After Super Tuesday
PHILADELPHIA, PA – After a series of gaffes over the last few weeks, key advisors to former Vice President Joe Biden have suggested the candidate not talk until after the “Super Tuesday” democratic primaries on March 3, 2020. The advice… Read More ›
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Voters Want to Know: Who’s Eating What at the Iowa State Fair?
DES MOINES, IA – Every four years, presidential candidates flock to the Iowa State Fair to connect with voters, pose for photo ops, and to sample some of the many varieties of (generally unhealthy) food that the fair offers, and… Read More ›
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Citing Demand, Delaney Hires Sign Spinners in 50 States
BETHESDA, MD – Sources within John Delaney’s campaign headquarters have confirmed that the democratic candidate has committed around $10 million to hire sign spinners in all 50 states. “We’ve found that there is overwhelming demand for folks wanting to see… Read More ›
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Epstein Dead, Bill Clinton Randomly Trends on Twitter
NEW YORK, NY – The nation awoke to the shocking news that Billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein had died, another life tragically taken by suicide. Epstein, 66, was awaiting trial at the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Manhattan on federal charges of… Read More ›
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Several Democratic Candidates Rescued from Iowa State Fair Ferris Wheel
DES MOINES, IA – Tragedy struck the Iowa State Fair on Friday as a several democratic presidential candidates were injured as a malfunctioning Ferris Wheel jolted to a stop, stranding them several hundred feet in the air for nearly three… Read More ›
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Nation Briefly Feels Bad for Delaney Before Remembering He’s a Multimillionaire
WASHINGTON, DC – Following an abysmal performance in the last round of democratic debates and a series of embarrassing tweets, Americans felt a brief sense of pathos toward the flailing democratic candidate John Delaney before remembering he’s worth over 200… Read More ›
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NRA Allows Congress to Introduce, Block Gun Reform
FAIRFAX, VA – After a series of deadly mass shootings over the weekend, the National Rifle Association as reportedly called upon Congress to introduce and block commonsense gun reform legislation. “Like every American, we’re sickened by the horrifying scenes in… Read More ›
