ERIE, PA – As she prepared snacks and drinks in advance of the fifth democratic presidential primary debate, your aunt declared that there are so many great candidates. “There are so many […]
Your Aunt: So Many Great Candidates
personcalledryan
Satirist, Filmmaker, Person
Ariana Grande Announces Collaboration with Folk Singer Bernie Sanders
LOS ANGELES, CA – Pop and R&B singer Ariana Grande recently announced a collaboration with folk singer Bernie Sanders in hopes of expanding her fanbase into a traditionally untapped market. According to […]
Elizabeth Warren: Yep, I’m Gay
BOSTON, MA – Just days after the rollout of her Medicare for All [Who Want It] plan, Elizabeth Warren has become the second LGBTQ democratic candidate by announcing that she is a […]
Mass Shooting Death Toll Required to Capture Nation’s Attention Rises to 17
NEW YORK – According to mainstream news outlets, the average death toll from a mass shooting required to capture the national attention has risen to seventeen. This number is up from August […]
Deval Patrick? Whatever, Yeah, Sure
BOSTON, MA – Former Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick has officially announced that he is joining the crowded field of Democrats seeking the nomination for President of the United States for some odd […]
Dem Frontrunner Surges to 8%
SOUTH BEND, IN – For a candidate who was polling at a mere 8.4% six months ago, it’s hard to believe that South Bend, Indiana Mayor Pete Buttigieg is now, as claimed […]
Desperate DNC Throws Bloomberg Against the Wall, Sees if He Sticks
WASHINGTON, DC – Growing increasingly desperate that one of their preferred candidates has yet to emerge as a clear frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic Primaries, the Democratic Party has thrown former New […]
Jeff Bezos Launches GoFundMe to Help Niece in Need
SEATTLE – Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has launched a GoFundMe campaign to help raise money for his niece who is experiencing a string of bad luck, sources report. The GoFundMe campaign “Help […]
Warren Enjoys Big Structural Donut
BOSTON, MA – Sources close to the democratic presidential candidate have confirmed that Senator Elizabeth Warren enjoyed a big, structural donut for breakfast Wednesday morning. “I try to eat healthy. I usually […]
Yang Asks Supporter for Molly
DES MOINES, IA – At his Yangapalooza campaign event on Friday, democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang asked a supporter if he could provide him with Molly, according to sources. Molly, the street […]
