WASHINGTON, DC – Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has scored a new gig as the newest left wing of the Hershey Bears Hockey Team. “I’ve always had a passion for ice […]
Ruth Bader Ginsburg Joins Professional Hockey Team
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Satirist, Filmmaker, Person
United Healthcare CEO to Host Sanders Fundraiser
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – United Healthcare CEO Dave Wichmann will host a fundraiser for Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders at his home in Edena, Minnesota, BeetPress has learned. Tickets to this extravagant event, […]
No One Shows Up to Bernie Sanders Rally
BROOKLYN, NY – It appears that The Bern has gotten a heavy dose of aloe. The Bernie Sanders 2020 campaign is scratching it’s head after only six people attended a campaign kickoff […]
Ex-Clinton Staffers Slam Sanders Over Covered Wagon
NEW YORK – In his campaign video, released last week, Vermont senator and presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders singled out greenhouse gas emissions as a special interest that he would take on. But […]
Trump Refuses to Back Down Despite International Pressure
WASHINGTON, DC – International pressure is mounting for United States President Donald Trump to step down and cede power to Opposition Leader Nancy Pelosi as tensions rise within Washington. The desperate situation […]
The Triumphant Return of Chris Farley
CHICAGO – Funnyman Chris Farley, best known for his celebrity impressions including Jerry Garcia, Tom Arnold, and Dom DeLuise on the long-running NBC variety show Saturday Night Live, has returned from a 21-year […]
Local Accountant Plans to Get the Band Back Together
ABERDEEN, WA – Local Certified Public Accountant Krist Novoselic is getting his old band back together. “We had a pretty good thing going back in ’90, 91,” says Novoselic, 53, who is […]
