WASHINGTON, DC – Stan Doolittle was hired by the DNC last fall. It is his job every morning to scan the news looking for new candidates to add to official DNC lists […]
Democratic Listmaker Unsure if de Blasio Should Go Under B or D
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De Blasio Looks at 2020 Candidate Field, Thinks ‘Yeah, I Should Run’
NEW YORK – Looking over a list of 23 democrats currently running for president, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio thought to himself, “Yeah, I should definitely run for president”. The mayor, […]
DeVos Worried that Students Not Shooting at Grade Level
WASHINGTON, DC – Citing concerns over accuracy, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is worried that American students are not shooting at grade level. “I’m becoming increasingly concerned about our education system,” said the […]
Biden Unveils Campaign Slogan: Make America Moral Again, Return to the Essence of Who We Are, the Dignity of a Country, the Dignity of People Treating our People with Dignity
WASHINGTON, DC – Former Vice President and democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden unveiled his campaign slogan during an interview on ABC’s Nightline. The new slogan, Make America Moral Again, Return to the […]
Majority of Dems Want Hillary Clinton to Run Again, Says Hillary Clinton
CHAPPAQUA, NY – Citing a lukewarm response to all twenty-two democratic presidential candidates, a majority of democrats are calling for Hillary Clinton to enter the race, according to Hillary Clinton. “Hillary Clinton […]
Boeing Execs Thrilled to Learn Russian Crash Plane Not 737
CHICAGO – Sitting anxiously in an executive break room as CNN reported news that an airliner carrying 78 souls crash-landed in a fireball at Moscow’s Sheremetyevo International Airport, Boeing Executives were relieved […]
Frustrated Dems Launch ‘Draft Tim Kaine’ Movement
WASHINGTON, DC – Citing a lack of viable candidates in the 2020 democratic presidential race, disillusioned democrats have coalesced around senator and former vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine. Although he has not […]
Bennet, Ryan, Swalwell, Moulton, and Inslee Combine into Super-Mediocre Hybrid Candidate
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to lessen the number of democratic presidential hopefuls and streamline the democratic primary debates, a super-mediocre hybrid candidate has been created by combining Michael Bennet, Tim […]
NRA: Active Shooter Extinguishers Will Make Public Safer
FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA – After a recent string of active shooter incidents, National Rifle Association CEO Wayne LaPierre has introduced a revolutionary new system aimed at protecting the public from homicidal maniacs […]
HUGE! Latest Poll of Jill Biden Shows Overwhelming Support for Joe Biden
ATLANTA – Former Vice President and democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden is continuing his meteoric rise through a crowded field of candidates, leaving him head and shoulders above the rest of the […]
