TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, NM – Fresh off a successful flight to the edge of space Sunday, Virgin Galactic CEO Richard Branson says he and Virgin Galactic are opening Uranus for everyone. “Imagine […]
Billionaires plan to colonize Uranus
personcalledryan
Satirist, Filmmaker, Person
Democrats reach bipartisan deal to capitulate to Republican demands
WASHINGTON, DC – Senate Democrats have announced a bipartisan agreement to capitulate to Republican demands on a variety of issues including gun control, climate action, voting rights, and their centerpiece infrastructure bill. […]
House Republicans pledge an extra $20B to Bezos for no reason
WASHINGTON, DC – Republicans in Congress have pledged an additional $20 billion to Amazon founder Jeff Bezos for no specific reason whatsoever. This comes in response to Maria Cantwell’s (D-WA) request for […]
Biden pledges to double student debt by 2024
WASHINGTON, DC – In a move liberals are calling “surprisingly progressive” and “a breath of fresh air,” President Joe Biden has announced that he has set a goal to double student debt […]
The biggest bombshells from Elizabeth Warren’s memoir ‘Persist’
BOSTON, MA – Senator Elizabeth Warren has released her third memoir and 12th book overall, Persist. In the memoir, a copy of which was obtained by BeetPress, Warren acknowledged publicly – now […]
Idaho offers free gun for COVID-19 vaccine receipts
BOISE, ID – Idaho Gov. Brad Little announced a new program Monday designed to incentivize state residents to get vaccinated by offering them a free gun. “We’re not going to be afraid […]
“Americans are so polarized that they can’t imagine a Hitler and a Michelle Obama being friends,” the former Dictator said
BERLIN, GERMANY – Former leader of the Third Reich and Führer of the Nazi Party Adolph Hitler said Sunday he was ‘shocked’ by people’s reaction to his public interactions with former first […]
Pelosi injured in Oakland-area street fight
OAKLAND, CA – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, 81, was taken to an area hospital on Wednesday after sustaining injuries in a street fight, according to a spokesperson from the Alameda County Sheriff’s […]
Prince Philip just napping, report embarrassed Palace guards
LONDON, ENGLAND – Buckingham Palace has retracted its report that the Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, 99, has died. “I’m embarrassed to say we make this mistake at least once per month, […]
John Delaney ‘World’s Sexiest Bald Man’, according to new study
WASHINGTON, DC – Researchers have discovered that former Maryland congressman and democratic presidential candidate John Delaney was described as “sexy” 17.6 million times in blogs, reports and pages found through Google search, […]
