WASHINGTON, DC – Republican lawmakers, including Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert (R-03) are calling for a reversal of the decades-old ban on lawn darts. “We live in a country where semi-automatic rifles are completely legal and a children’s back yard game is illegal, just because a few kids got killed. It’s nonsense,” explained Boebert, adding “the United States Constitution says clearly that Americans have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and playing a game of lawn darts makes people happy.” Lawn Darts, which reportedly caused thousands of injuries in the 1970s and 80s, were banned in 1988 by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission after lobbying efforts by David Snow whose seven year old daughter died after being struck in the head by a dart. Boebert claims that when used as intended, Lawn Darts pose little risk to child safety. As of press time, Beet Press has confirmed that Boebert is also drafting legislation that will lift restrictions on the sale of hand grenades and weapons grade plutonium, and ban the use of cannabis nationwide.