Political Briefs

Republicans Propose “Plan C” to Force Fetuses into Unpregnant Women

Cruz with fetus

WASHINGTON, DC – According to a leaked memo, Republican lawmakers are planning to introduce legislation that will mandate women of reproductive age who have not had a child within the past five years become pregnant or have a fetus forcibly inserted into their uterus. “To sustain the human population, we need people, and we get people by having babies,” explained the bill’s sponsor Senator Ted Cruz, for whom the plan is named, adding “for far too long, women have been ripping babies out of their uteruses and tossing them in dumpsters behind Planned Parenthood clinics. Now, it’s time for the government to shove them back in and force women to experience the joy of motherhood.” According to documents, women who seek abortions following their impregnation procedures or fail to carry their baby to term will face the death penalty. “This is a big win for pro-life America,” said Cruz. Asked where he’d find enough fetuses to impregnate 30 million women, Cruz noted that he has a guy in Cancún that can hook him up.

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