Political Briefs

Russia Invades Ukraine – Borscht Futures Soar 60%

Russia invades Ukraine - borscht futures soar 60%

WASHINGTON, DC – Borscht prices have skyrocketed hours after Russia began a full-scale invasion of Ukraine. According to analysts, the price of the beet-based soup surged above $100 per barrel after President Biden announced new sanctions against Russia. This puts pressure on a global economy already reeling from rampant inflation. Fears of borscht shortages worldwide have led to rationing, and the Brighton Beach neighborhood of Brooklyn is reportedly completely out of the soup. “We had a run on Borscht a couple of days ago when it started to look like Putin would actually go through [with the invasion],” explained Taste of Russia Deli manager Anastasia Ivanov. “I now fear many of my customers will not have access to Borscht for some time.” In addition to borscht, analysts expect the nation’s supply of nesting babushka dolls to dry up by the end of the month.

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