Political Briefs

Hillary Clinton Sets Up Back-Alley Abortion Clinic in Houston

HOUSTON, TX – Former presidential candidate and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has reportedly set up a clandestine abortion clinic in Houston after the Supreme Court denied requests to stop Texas’s six-week abortion ban. “For thousands of Women across Texas and across the country, access to abortion care is a fundamental right,” explained Clinton, whose 2016 presidential election loss to reality-TV host Donald Trump paved the way for a more conservative Supreme Court. According to sources, Clinton leased a 450 square-foot space behind a plumbing supply warehouse in an industrial park near William P. Hobby airport and furnished the sparse clinic with second hand medical equipment purchased from Craigslist. Clinton, who has no prior medical experience, has enlisted a small team of Clinton Foundation-funded physicians to perform the abortions. The former First Lady will handle bribing local authorities and ensuring that the operation stays on the down-low. “Sure, I would have loved to be president, and there’s a million people I could blame that I’m not president, but running this abortion clinic feels just as important, so for me, that’s a win,” said Clinton.

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