Political Briefs

Ted Cruz receives face transplant

HOUSTON, TX – Texas Senator Ted Cruz has undergone a successful face transplant procedure at Houston Methodist Hospital, according to sources close to the republican lawmaker. “It was getting to the point where Senator Cruz’s own children recoiled in horror whenever he was seen unmasked,” said a spokesman for Cruz. “Even his patchy beard did little to hide his thin livery lips, bulbous nose, sagging jowls, and crooked yellow teeth,” the spokesman continued. While the procedure slightly enhances Cruz’s physical appearance, the operation did little to improve his odious personality and shallow, narrow-minded worldview.

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