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Billionaires plan to colonize Uranus

TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, NM – Fresh off a successful flight to the edge of space Sunday, Virgin Galactic CEO Richard Branson says he and Virgin Galactic are opening Uranus for everyone. “Imagine a world where people of all ages, all backgrounds from anywhere, of any gender, or any ethnicity have equal access to Uranus,” said Branson after the mission. According to sources, the billionaire intends to use the moon as a jumping off point for manned missions to Uranus by the end of the decade. Not to be outdone, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has announced his intention to probe deep into Uranus by the end of the year in search of resources required to sustain life, and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk says he believes there’s enough methane trapped in the bowels of space to sustain regular intergalactic flights for generations. When reached for comment, Americans collectively stated they’d rather see all three billionaires launched directly into the sun.

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