WASHINGTON, DC – Republicans in Congress have pledged an additional $20 billion to Amazon founder Jeff Bezos for no specific reason whatsoever. This comes in response to Maria Cantwell’s (D-WA) request for NASA to allocate $10 billion in funding to Bezos’s spaceflight company Blue Origin which seeks to join Elon Musk’s SpaceX in securing a lucrative NASA contract to conduct future moon missions. “We couldn’t sit by and watch Democrats throw $10 billion at Jeff Bezos, the richest man in America,” explained House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). “This is why we’ve pledged an additional $20 billion to Bezos to do whatever he wants with. Create jobs, fund infrastructure projects, buy more yachts, build an underwater city at the bottom of the ocean – I’m sure he’ll put the money to good use. Or not, it’s up to him.” When asked about funding, McCarthy said that Congress plans to pay for the investment by lowering taxes on top wage earners and eliminating the Federal Pell Grant program.