Culture

Prince Philip just napping, report embarrassed Palace guards

LONDON, ENGLAND – Buckingham Palace has retracted its report that the Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip, 99, has died. “I’m embarrassed to say we make this mistake at least once per month, but the Prince Philip is indeed not deceased, but rather enjoying an afternoon nap, as he is keen to do,” reported a spokesman for the Royal Family. This latest blunder isn’t the first time the Philip, husband of Queen Elizabeth II, has been mistaken as expired. In 2016 he was partially embalmed following another such false alarm. “Guards are tasked with checking in on Philip every hour, and if he is found unresponsive, to hold a mirror up to his mouth to look for breath,” explained the spokesman, adding “the Prince regularly goes minutes on end without breath, so it’s easy to understand how this mistake could have been made.” As of press time, the Royal Family has confirmed that Operation Forth Bridge, the national plan for publicly handling the Duke’s death, has been called off for the forth time in as many years.

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