Political Briefs

Ted Cruz’s bathroom mirror escapes to Cancún

HOUSTON, TX – According to sources close to the Texas senator, Ted Cruz’s bathroom mirror has removed itself from the wall and left the residence for good. “I’ve taken a lot of heat for detaching myself and running off to Cancún,” explained the 42″ x 60″ mirror. “But put yourself in my shoes for a minute. You’d do the same thing if you had to start each day looking at Ted Cruz’s livery lips, sagging pecs, and protruding stomach after he gets out of the shower. He does this thing where he turns to inspect this weird outcropping of hair on his back. It used to fog up enough to hide the hideous scene, but ever since he put in that new bathroom fan, it has been torture.” The mirror has reportedly installed itself permanently in the bathroom of room 217 of the Ritz-Carton Cancún and has absolutely no regrets. As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that Cruz’s dog Snowflake has also booked a one-way ticket to Cancún in search of a better life.

Leave a Reply