Kyle Rittenhouse accidentally shoots off own penis

KENOSHA, WI – In what is being described as an unfortunate mishap, 18-year old accused murderer Kyle Rittenhouse has reportedly shot off his own penis. “Mr. Rittenhouse was demonstrating a new Walther semi-automatic 9mm handgun he recently obtained to a friend when he mistakenly fired the weapon into his penis,” explained Marc de Moya, head trauma surgeon at Kenosha’s Froedtert Hospital. “Despite our best efforts, we were unable to save the appendage.” A Wisconsin judge will hold a hearing next week on whether to arrest Rittenhouse for violating the terms of his bail, which specifically prohibit the accused of obtaining a firearm and shooting off his own penis.

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