WASHINGTON, DC – Just hours before lawmakers attempted to count the Electoral College to certify Joe Biden as the next President of the United States, a mob of angry Trump supporters wearing pink pussyhats breached the capitol building.
Just before 1pm, hundreds of pussyhatted pro-Trump protesters pushed their way through barricades and past Capitol Police and Secret Service, and about 90 minutes later, made their way into the building as members of Congress sheltered in their chambers.
“I look over and I spot a sea of knitted pink, bobbing up and down, marching up Constitution Avenue,” said Diana Slade, a congressional intern, who continued “and if memory serves me, those pink pussyhats aren’t something you want to mess with.”
The pussyhat has been a staple of the Trump supporter wardrobe since then-candidate Trump was recorded on a hot mic explaining to Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush of his proclivity to grab women ‘by the pussy’. Since then, Trump rallies have featured a sea of pink as his supporters proudly wear their pink pussyhats.
As flash-bangs could be heard on the Capitol steps, members of Congress were evacuated by Capitol Police and Secret Service agents.
It is believed that the pink pussyhatted protesters are reacting to Trump-fueled speculation that the election was subject to widespread voter fraud, which cost Trump re-election, and the entire process was a massive coup staged by the Democratic party.
“Nothing tastes better than pussy-tears,” said journalist Soledad O’Brien. “Let Trump’s supporters throw their little temper tantrum and dry their tears with their pink pussyhats. They’re just a bunch of sore losers.”