Trump admits six new red states into Union, wins election

Trump admits six new red states into Union, wins election

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump signed an executive order Friday adding six new states to the United States of America.

According to the executive order, the new states include East Oregon, North California, Upper Peninsula [Michigan], Southwest Virginia, North Minnesota, and East Pennsylvania. The order also annexes the portion of Nevada that is not Las Vegas to Utah. This marks the first time since 1959 that states have been added to the union.

Trump also signed an executive order splitting Georgia’s electoral votes by congressional district, much like Nebraska and Maine. This move will give the President a seven-point boost in the peach state.

The new map shifts the division of electoral votes to be cast during the December 14th meeting of the electors. This gives President Trump a slight edge with 272 electoral votes over former Vice President Joe Biden’s 266 votes. To win, a candidate must secure at least 270 electoral votes.

Republicans celebrate

“I would like to congratulate Vice President Joe Biden on a hard-fought campaign. It was a close election, but ultimately, the coal workers of West Pennsylvania, gold miners and hemp growers of North California, and the ranchers of, I guess what is now Utah, decided the outcome of this election,” Trump said in a statement.

In a show of support, Republicans have organized parades and fireworks displays to celebrate the admission of the new states.

“It’s a great day for America, and an especially great day for Upper Peninsula,” said Chuck Roberts of Newberry, UP. “It’ll be great to get to hunting and fishing without all those [expletive deleted] rules and regulations coming out of Lansing. God bless Donald Trump!”

Democrats concede

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi tore up a copy of the executive orders in a display of defiance against Trump, but warned that Congress is in no position to challenge the President.

“The American people are looking for relief right now, relief from this coronavirus pandemic. We’re working with our republican colleagues in Congress and with the President to come up with, hopefully, a timeframe in which to begin discussions to provide that relief,” explained Pelosi. “Overturning the President’s statehood order is off the table until we can begin moving forward on the coronavirus bill to provide American families with the relief they need.”

In order to overturn Trump’s executive orders, Congress would need to pass a bill to block the measures. The President would then have the option of vetoing the bill, which he would likely do. It would then be up to Congress to overturn the President’s veto with a 2/3 majority vote.

“The Democrats learned many lessons from the 2016 election,” said CNN political commentator Chris Cillizza. “But I don’t think the Biden camp could have predicted Trump adding red states to the Union in the time between the general election and when the electors actually cast their ballots. Until we get a Democrat in office to chip off sections of Texas, Florida, and Ohio into blue states, we could see Republican presidential victories for years to come.”

“Unless we abolish the electoral college, of course,” added Cillizza.

As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that Biden is kicking himself for not spending more time campaigning in Southwest Virginia.

2 replies »

  1. lol nice. nit picking but each new state adds 2 EC votes. so 276 to win. And if north minnesota became a state it would be called the Iron Range. the UP by itself doesn’t even have enough population to have it’s own congressional district, but that much of northern MN woulds have 2. So UP 3 Ev votes and IR 4EV.

    Alternatively, Utah is so far right if it annexed all of NV and AZ it would still go for Trump.

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