Dems introduce ‘Pelosi Act’ to lower cost of Häagen-Dazs

Nancy Pelosi loves ice cream

WASHINGTON, DC – House democrats on Thursday introduced legislation that would lower the cost of Häagen-Dazs by 30% in an effort to make the frozen treat more affordable for middle class Americans.

The landmark bill, H.R.8096, affectionately known as the ‘Pelosi Act’ would for the first time would cap out-of-pocket ice cream costs for Medicare enrollees and direct the federal government to negotiate the price of many products under the Häagen-Dazs umbrella, including ice cream bars and 14oz and 28oz containers of all flavors.

House republicans have vowed to fight the bill, with House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy telling BeetPress that “the bill amounts to nothing more than ice cream socialism. This will be a complete government takeover of the frozen dessert industry.”

Republican lawmakers are instead calling for a plan to cut taxes and give Americans the choice of which ice cream brands they want to purchase. They also favor deregulating the ice cream industry to further reduce costs.

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer lauded the bill, saying “in these times where people are looking for comfort, it is vital to give all Americans access to quality, affordable Häagen-Dazs. I urge the House to put partisanship aside and pass this bill.”

Voter reaction to the bill has been mixed.

“No one should have to ration Häagen-Dazs,” said Ohio voter Jen Fischer, adding “but while Nancy Pelosi has two freezers stocked full of Häagen-Dazs, millions of Americans have to make due with lesser brands like Breyers. I’m afraid this bill doesn’t go far enough ensuring high quality, additive-free ice cream as a right to all Americans.”

Indiana voter Greg Talbot doesn’t support the legislation, saying “this bill forces Häagen-Dazs down our throats. I didn’t work hard all my life to have my choices taken away. I like my current brand, and should be able to keep my current brand. The federal government needs to keep their hands off my ice cream!”

As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that the House has reached a compromise agreement to give every American a 50-cent-off coupon for any Häagen-Dazs branded product.

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