Politics

Dem party insiders unsure if Biden even alive still

WASHINGTON, DC – Admitting they haven’t seen or heard from the presidential candidate recently, democratic party insiders are questioning whether former Vice President Joe Biden is even alive still.

“I’ve been seeing ads here and there, but they are mostly made up of clips from Joe’s time as vice president or voice-overs from a speech he made back in April,” said democratic strategist Paul Begala, adding “his Twitter account has been pretty active, but those posts are made by someone from his campaign. I’ve asked around and no one has seen or heard from Biden since early June.”

Citing concerns over Covid-19, the campaign made the decision in May to suspend most public appearances and set up a makeshift studio in the basement of Biden’s Wilmington, Delaware home where he could participate in virtual interviews and make statements to the public by video, but these sessions have largely ceased or feature only Biden’s wife Jill.

“The news is basically only reporting current polls which show Biden pulling ahead of President Trump, as well as statements released by the campaign, so it’s completely plausible that Biden died sometime after June 2nd,” said political consultant David Axelrod. “So if Biden is actually dead, it wouldn’t do much to change the trajectory of the election.”

According to democratic party leaders, even if Biden has expired, the campaign could continue without him.

“Let’s just say Joe Biden did perish, we have the mechanisms in place to continue on without the public really noticing,” explained Center for American Progress’s Neera Tanden, adding “all we have to do is send Jill out to do the media appearances, find a way to cancel the debates, which should be easy enough, and have Kamala Harris or whoever the VP pick is do the campaigning. Throw in some old clips of Joe, run a few campaign ads, and let CNN and MSNBC do the rest. It might actually help our chances in November.”

Although being alive has traditionally been a requirement to win the presidency, other deceased politicians have won elections, including Missouri Governor Mel Carnahan who beat incumbent senator John Ashcroft in 2000 despite having died five weeks before the election.

“Given Biden’s cognitive decline and penchant for saying inappropriate or insensitive things, the plan has always been to keep Joe out of the public as much as possible and rely on a complex network of surrogates and the clever use of salvageable pre-recorded statements to shape Joe’s public image, so even if he is dead, we’re pretty much just sticking to our original plan,” said Biden campaign senior advisor Symone Sanders.

As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that democratic party strategists haven’t ruled out the use of deep-fakes, holograms, or an elaborate system of pulleys and strings to give the impression that Biden didn’t pass away peacefully on Tuesday, June 9th at 8:47pm surrounded by his wife and son Hunter.

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4 replies »

  1. Reblogged this on The Most Revolutionary Act and commented:
    Although being alive has traditionally been a requirement to win the presidency, other dead politicians have won elections, including Missouri Governor Mel Carnahan who beat incumbent senator John Ashcroft in 2000 despite having died five weeks before the election.

  2. Shades of “The Distinguished Gentleman” … The Dems would probably be relieved to discover Ol’ Joe was dead. Easier to control a dead man, even if the live one is brain dead. If I were an American I’d think that going from Trump to a dead man for president would be an improvement.

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