PHILADELPHIA, PA – According to sources within the campaign, democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden is actively considering most of the cast of the 2001 comedy film Pootie Tang to fill out his cabinet if he’s elected president in November.
“Vice President Biden hasn’t made up his mind yet, but he is taking a good look at Wanda Sykes for vice,” commented Biden deputy campaign manager Pete Kavanaugh. “She’s been at the forefront of LGBTQ issues, is a strong voice in the black community, and quite frankly, she’s pretty funny. She’d be a great addition to the ticket.”
Although the film was a commercial flop and received generally poor reviews, Biden admits that the movie is among his guilty pleasures, saying “look man, I know Pootie Tang isn’t the best movie in the world, but it has a great cast that makes me laugh. I like to watch it when the weight of the world is getting a bit heavy, and really, couldn’t we all use a little lighthearted humor these days?”
Among the Pootie Tang cast being considered for cabinet positions is J. B. Smoove for Secretary of State and Chris Rock for Attorney General.
“I loved J. B. [Smoove] in Curb Your Enthusiasm, and I think he’s got a way of connecting with people in a unique way,” said Biden, adding “that’s why I think he’d be a great representative of the State Department. He could really bridge the gap with a lot of these world leaders.”
The decision to fill out his cabinet with the cast of Pootie Tang is also in keeping with Biden’s commitment to elevate more people of color to high level government positions.
“There’s a lot to choose from, and I think appointing Missy Elliott as Education Secretary and Lance Crouther as Secretary of Defense will really help undo some of the damage caused by Trump’s disastrous presidency,” said Kavanaugh.
Biden is also reportedly considering Jennifer Coolidge for Secretary of Labor and Elizabeth Warren for Treasury Secretary.
“I’m excited to hear that Chris Rock has been tapped for the Justice Department,” said Black Lives Matter activist Marcus Draper, adding “his commentary on racial injustice and police oppression, coupled with his experience in Head of State, makes him the ideal choice to ease the tensions between white and black America.”
When asked who he was considering for Secretary of Commerce, Biden responded by saying “wa da tai, baby. I’m going to sine your pitty on the runny kine!”