WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump has signed an executive order effectively banning the posting and sharing of factual information on social media sites such as Twitter and Facebook.
“For far too long, people have been posting things on social media, factual things, that quite frankly put me in a bad light,” explained the President from the Oval Office before signing the order. “This is why I’m taking action now to stop the spread of information that could be potentially harmful to the great republican party and my presidency. No longer will Twitter and Facebook need to fact-check information, because there will not be any more facts to check.”
The executive order makes it illegal to post or share information related to accurate reporting of Covid-19 deaths in the United States, share unflattering, non-Photoshopped images of republican politicians – including the President, or comment on the abuse of power at the hands of law enforcement.
According to Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, social media should remain a place reserved for displaying photos of hunting and fishing trophies, birthday well wishes, images bald eagles and American flags, and memes depicting Nancy Pelosi as an alcoholic lunatic, saying “If people want actual information, they can turn on Fox News. From now on, Facebook will remain a platform where conservatives can post conspiracy theories about election fraud, re-litigate Obama’s country of origin, or share articles about how wearing face masks actually causes Coronavirus.”
In a statement to the press, the President announced that he has appointed Ben Shapiro, Charlie Kirk, and Tomi Lahren to a new task force to oversee Facebook and Twitter’s compliance with the new policy.
BeetPress reached out to Mark Zuckerberg who said of the new rule “I’ve made over $30 billion in the last two months, mostly due to people sharing factually dubious information about Covid-19, literally everything about Hillary Clinton, or how AOC is planning to put conservatives in concentration camps and convert the United States into a communist hell-state. I’m all for the new policies.”
As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that Ben Shapiro has just given the green light to a Facebook post explaining that California is importing millions of illegal immigrants from Central America to vote in November’s general election.