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Biden campaign hires Amy Cooper as Director of Black Outreach

NEW YORK, NY – The campaign of presidential hopeful Joe Biden has hired Amy Cooper as Director of Black Outreach, sources confirm.

“Given the recent comments from the former Vice President, it’s clear that we need to do more to reassure African Americans that Joe Biden’s got their back,” said Biden campaign communications director Kate Beddingfield, adding “and this is why we were looking for someone with intimate insights into the day-to-day struggles of the black community. We found that person in Amy Cooper.”

Cooper, a former head of insurance investment solutions at Franklin Templeton Investments, rose to national prominence after a chance meet with African American Christian Cooper, an avid bird watcher and senior biomedical editor at Health Science Communications.

“I was walking my dog in Central Park, and I had a nice little chat with Christian,” explained Amy Cooper. “We made a little video together that happened to go viral, and now here I am, being hired by Biden’s campaign. It’s almost surreal, but I’m super excited to start building bridges between the white community and the blacks. Also, I’m not racist.”

Joe Biden recently came under fire for telling The Breakfast Club host Charlemagne tha God during an interview “well I tell you what, If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black.”

When tha God attempted to explain that the fundamental issue is recognizing and providing for the needs of the black community, Biden interrupted with the statement “take a look at my record, man” before ending the interview.

While many African American voters see Biden’s 1994 crime bill and past statements on bussing and segregation as problematic, the campaign is looking to reassure voters that Biden has his finger on the pulse of the black community.

“I’d like voters to know that Joe Biden is considering many black women for vice president, including former prosecutor Kamala Harris,” said Jennifer O’Malley Dillon, campaign manager for Biden. “But we know that there is still work to be done, and this is why our creation of the Director of Black Outreach position is so vital. We feel confident that Mrs. Cooper will do a stellar job in this role.”

As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that Amy Cooper is currently on the phone with 911 to report that a black DoorDash driver delivered her Asian chicken salad lunch while not wearing rubber gloves.

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    • It’s satire.
      sat·ire
      /ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/
      noun
      the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

  1. Very inappropriate, inexcusable and irresponsible attempt at humor. Unfortunately there will be readers who will actually “believe” these written words. Another example of how the first amendment is abused for personal gain and greed.

    • Well “Anonymous”, that is your opinion. You don’t like satire I suggest you don’t go to satire sites. That is my opinion!

    • One might think the header stating ‘Your #2 source for pretend news’ might be a clue, but some people clearly just don’t know how to read.

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