House Impeaches Trump for Throwing Paper Towels

WASHINGTON, DC – In a historic move, the US House of Representatives has impeached President Donald J. Trump with a 230-197 vote in favor of House Resolution 755 articles of impeachment for conduct unbecoming of the President of the United States after an incident where he threw rolls of paper towels at residents of Puerto Rico following Hurricane Maria in September 2017.

“In the aftermath of the devastating hurricane that destroyed much of Puerto Rico, the citizens – American citizens, mind you, were subjected to the childish, juvenile behavior of the President they were looking to for help,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters.

“It was disrespectful,” said Ramon Pachaco, 58, whose house in Ponce, on the island’s southern coast, suffered $26,000 in damage. Trump’s message to local residents, he said, amounted to: “If you want to cry, dry your tears with this.”

While many critical of the Trump administration point to detention centers where children have been separated from their families and locked in cages, military aid to Saudi Arabia to carry out a genocide in Yemen, theft from charities, and emoluments violations as justifications for impeachment, most feel that it was the paper towel incident that broke the camel’s back.

“Partisanship aside, we always have presidents that do questionable things, like fabricating evidence as a justification to invade Iraq, grossly mismanaging federal disaster response, arming terrorist groups, or summarily executing foreign leaders without trial,” remarked Altoona, VA voter Clyde Beckmann, adding “but when the President throws rolls of paper towels at desperate hurricane victims, we need to draw the line.”

Supporters of the President argue that the paper towel incident was a minor infraction and not an impeachable offense, including talk show host Sean Hannity who said “Donald Trump could stand in Times Square and start shooting people, and he wouldn’t be impeached. He could say any manner of crude, sexual, misogynistic, or sexist thing, and he would not be impeached. But the moment he tries to actually do some good, the Democrats try to throw the book at him; that’s how much they hate America.”

Trump has become only the third president to be impeached, the other two being Bill Clinton and Andrew Johnson. The Senate will now hold a trial to determine if Trump will be removed from office.

As of press time, BeetPress has learned that White House cleaning staff has reportedly censured the President for leaving the toilet seat up in the West Wing men’s room.

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