December Debate to Feature Jell-O Wrestling

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a bid to inject a bit more excitement into the proceedings, Politico has announced that the December democratic debate to be held at Loyola Marymount University on December 19th will feature Jell-O Wrestling.

“What we’ve found is that most people start to tune out after the second commercial break,” said Politico Editor-in-Chief Matthew Kaminski, adding “that’s why we thought it’d be a fun idea to mix things up a bit and add a round of Jell-O wrestling in the second half of the debate.”

According to debate rules, a candidate will be chosen at random by the moderators to answer a question. Once another candidate’s name has been invoked in the answer, the two candidates will have two minutes each to argue their positions in the Jell-O pool. This process will continue until all candidates have had the opportunity to debate in the pool.

Debate sponsor Kraft Foods Group will provide an inflatable pool and 1000 gallons of cherry flavored Jell-O brand gelatin. They hope that the Jell-O wrestling segment will generate more excitement than the arm-wrestling match held during the November debate which left Senator Cory Booker with a dislocated shoulder.

With California Senator Kamala Harris out of the race, there are only six candidates currently qualified for the debate: Joe Biden, Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Tom Steyer, and Elizabeth Warren.

“When the other candidates realize there will be Jell-O wrestling as part of the debate, I think they’ll get on the ball and make sure they qualify. Especially Tulsi Gabbard and Andrew Yang. This sort of thing is right up their alley,” said PBS NewsHour host and debate moderator Amna Nawaz.

If the Jell-O wresting proves to be a ratings success, the Democratic National Committee has stated that they’re considering a Mad Max style Thunder-dome debate for January.



Categories: Entertainment, Politics, Satire

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