Susan Sarandon Recovering After Attack by Neera Tanden

MANCHESTER, NH – Academy award-winning actress and political activist Susan Sarandon is recovering after a confrontation with Center for American Progress President Neera Tanden left her with bruises and a concussion.

The attack took place on Friday as Sarandon was leaving her hotel to attend a campaign rally with Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders.

“As soon as I stepped outside and turned the corner, I was knocked to the ground and punched repeatedly,” said Sarandon, adding “I managed to get a look at the attacker and saw that it was Neera. ‘This one’s for Jill Stein, this one’s for Bernie, this one’s for Stepmom‘ she said with each punch. I’m lucky to have made it out alive.”

Tanden, a former top aide to Hillary Clinton, has a history of violence against those of whom she sees as a threat to her inner circle including a physical assault on former reporter and current Sanders campaign manager Faiz Shakir. In that 2008 incident, Shakir asked Clinton about her Iraq War vote before being violently assaulted by Tanden.

“If the democratic party wants to succeed, then democrats need to protect their own,” said Tanden, who continued “I have no patience for anyone who speaks out against any democrat, and I will violently confront anyone who supports Jill Stein or any third party candidate, Bernie Sanders, Andrew Yang, or that bitch Tulsi Gabbard, so help me.”

A statement released by the Center for American Progress lists several targets that Tanden intends to neutralize in the coming months including HillTV’s Rising host Krystal Ball, Sanders 2020 press secretary Briahna Joy Gray, and pop star Ariana Grande.

“You’ll support Joe Biden, Pete Buttigieg, Kamala Harris, Michael Bloomberg, or Elizabeth Warren. That’s it. That’s the list,” warned Tanden, adding “I don’t care who I have to fuck up to ensure one of those qualified democrats gets elected.”

Sarandon told BeetPress that she won’t be intimidated by Tanden, saying “I won’t be deterred in my fight toward justice, equality, and progressive values. Neera was lucky and got a couple good punches in, next time I’ll be prepared to fight back.”

The campaigns of Sanders, Yang, and Gabbard have all issued statements warning supporters to remain vigilant at all times, saying “Neera Tanden may strike anytime and without warning. Watch your backs.”



Categories: culture, Politics, Satire

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