Elizabeth Warren: Yep, I’m Gay

BOSTON, MA – Just days after the rollout of her Medicare for All [Who Want It] plan, Elizabeth Warren has become the second LGBTQ democratic candidate by announcing that she is a proud gay woman.

The move comes after several recent polls show openly gay South Bend, Indiana Mayor Pete Buttigieg surge in Iowa polls, overtaking Warren for the top spot.

“The road toward equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered folks has been paved by brave Americans like Ellen Degeneres, George Takei, Neil Patrick Harris, and Pete Buttigieg, who, despite being gay, has served valiantly in the Navy and become the mayor of the fourth largest city in the conservative Hawkeye State,” Warren announced in a campaign video posted to Twitter and Facebook, adding “and I’d like to continue paving that road by announcing that I too am gay. I am! I’ve got a girlfriend named Barbara, and I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

Upon hearing the announcement George Takei stated on Twitter “We now have two intelligent, articulate, and thoughtful gay candidates. I previously endorsed Mayor Pete Buttigieg, but this might make me reconsider.”

Buttigieg tweeted “While I welcome another gay candidate to the debate stage, my voters are looking to someone who has the calmness and maturity to lead the nation. Personally, I think Warren’s just trying to snatch away some of my overwhelming support in Iowa, and it’s just not going to work.”

While most have offered praise and encouragement to Warren, some progressives have argued that, despite Warren failing to endorse Senator Sanders in the 2016 primary race, she adopted many of his platform positions, and is now pivoting to adopt Buttigieg’s positions – and his sexuality, including Twitter user Beth who tweeted “I vote based on a candidate’s history of fighting for the working class, for taking a stand even when it’s unpopular, and not on someone’s gender or sexual orientation. I don’t do identity politics.”

Ellen Degeneres also issued a statement, saying “while I support and congratulate Warren on coming out, did she really say ‘yep, I’m gay’? Doesn’t she know you’re not supposed to steal other people’s material?” When asked if she would support Warren in the primary race, Ellen responded “I’m sticking with Mayor Pete. Not because he’s gay, but because his policies appeal more to me as an elite Hollywood millionaire.”

According to sources, if elected President, Elizabeth Warren plans to return to heterosexuality and go back to her husband, Bruce Mann, by her third year in office.



Categories: culture, Politics, Satire

Tags: , , , , , ,

1 reply

  1. She just wasn’t “actively” gay until 1994. -\_(“/)_/-

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