Yang Asks Supporter for Molly

DES MOINES, IA – At his Yangapalooza campaign event on Friday, democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang asked a supporter if he could provide him with Molly, according to sources.

Molly, the street name for the club drug ecstasy or MDMA, is a psychoactive drug that causes altered sensations, increased energy, empathy and pleasure, and is a commonly associated with the rave and club scenes.

“I’ve been a Yang supporter since he announced his campaign, so I was excited to finally get to see him in person,” college student Trevor Briggs told BeetPress. “After the event, he came down into the crowd to meet with his supporters, I shook his hand, and he whispered at me ‘would you happen to have any Molly?’

Yang had hoped to acquire the club drug prior to attending a party with Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo later that evening, but was unsure how or where to purchase it.

“I’ve heard from some friends who tried rolling that it’s a pretty fun time, so I thought, why not give it a shot. I’m always open to new experiences and expanding my horizons,” Yang explained to BeetPress, adding “plus I don’t think I’ll have many chances to do it once I’m elected president, so it’s really now or never.”

After conceding that he didn’t have Molly, Briggs gave Yang the phone number of his friend Charles who knows some people who might know where to find it, but urged the candidate to remain discrete, saying “if anything bad were to happen to Yang, I don’t want anything traced back to me.”

After his fruitless attempt to score the drug, Yang concluded that maybe the party lifestyle wasn’t in the cards for him, before resigning himself to the fact that he’d probably skip the party and spend the evening in his hotel room playing Sudoku and engaging his followers on 4Chan.

Advertisements


Categories: culture, Politics, Satire

Tags: , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: