Klobuchar Delights Audience with Story of Killing Homeless Man While Shopping

DES MOINES, IA – Speaking at a campaign event on Sunday, Senator and democratic presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar recalled the time she accidentally ran over a homeless man.

“Like millions of hardworking Americans do every day, I was doing a bit of shopping, which my husband can attest to,” Klobuchar told the crowd, invoking knowing chuckles. “So, I’m at Target, and I get into my SUV, and as I’m pulling out of my spot, I feel a bump. So I continue backing up, and I feel another bump.”

The bumps Klobuchar felt were actually the wheels of her 2015 Honda Pilot running over the body of Charles Thompson, a 47 year old homeless Iraq war veteran.

With the audience now joyously laughing, Klobuchar continued, “so, I looked to see if anyone saw what happened, and no one had, so I drove home. I don’t know, but I think he perished. Normally I’d have stopped to help, but I had ice cream in the bag which I didn’t want to melt.”

Shortly after Klobuchar’s departure, a passerby noticed Mr. Thompson lying in the parking lot and called 9-1-1. Paramedics arrived and administered first aid, but Mr. Thompson died en route to the hospital.

Klobuchar finished the story, conceding “needless to say, it probably won’t be good for America’s homeless population for me to be driving when I’m president,” to which the audience cheered wildly.

In an effort to seem relatable, Klobuchar often tells stories of her sometimes unfortunate experiences, including one she shared at the UFCW Union Conference where she told a rapt audience about the time she killed a duck while playing golf, and another where she scalded and partially blinded a campaign intern who failed to include a lemon wedge with her hot tea.

According to rally attendee and Klobuchar supporter Sheila Hall, the candidate’s anecdotes are a refreshing change of pace from the policy-focused speeches of many candidates, saying “what makes Amy unique is how she’s really just like all of us. She’s letting us know that she’s not perfect, and she doesn’t need to be. Who hasn’t run over a squirrel or accidentally started a forest fire while camping at least once? Amy’s just human, and I support that.”

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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