Warren Concerned as 23andMe Releases Political Ideology Test

BOSTON, MA – Sources close to the presidential candidate have reported that Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is concerned that genomics and biotechnology company 23andMe has recently released a political ideology test.

Warren, who has been steadily rising in national polling, has unveiled a series of ‘plans’ that closely mirror that of competitor and progressive firebrand Bernie Sanders. By adopting a progressive platform, Warren has differentiated herself from other more establishment candidates like former vice-president Joe Biden and South Bend, IN Mayor Pete Buttigieg, but some have argued that Warren’s positions are politically motivated due to the rise in popularity of proposals such as the Green New Deal and Medicare for All.

“Am I supposed to believe that someone who was a republican until well into the 1990’s, refused to endorse Sanders in 2016, voted for Trumps military budgets, and is willing to take corporate money in the general election is a progressive?” asked Colten Devellis, a Portland-area voter, adding “I guess we’ll find out when she takes the political ideology test.”

The candidate came under fire recently when 23andMe results revealed that she is not Native American, as previously claimed, providing fodder for President Trump that he is sure to use during a general election race against Warren.

According to 23andMe, the test measures a series of genetic predispositions including the likelihood of mobilizing a mass movement of supporters in order to achieve populist victories, pivoting right during a general election campaign and abandoning previously states principals in favor of an ‘I’m not the other guy’ approach, and a willingness to shift policy positions based on certain financial and political pressures.

“I think what we’ll find is that Warren will score very similar to Obama, that being centrist opportunistic,” commented political analyst Charles LeMay, who continued “like Obama, she’s able to use her oratory skills to sell Americans on a platform of hope and change in order to gain power. From there, she’ll capitulate to the whims of the big-monied interests that are so prevalent in Washington. That’s my prediction.”

A spokesperson for the Warren campaigned told BeetPress “we’re not too worried about the test. She’ll take it in due time, probably after the primaries, but I think Americans can see that Elizabeth is 100% committed to her policies. Just because she released her Medicare for All proposal last Wednesday, and Bernie’s been talking about his for 30 years doesn’t mean she’s any less committed to the cause.”

Senator Sanders responded to the news that 23andMe released a political ideology test with a simple statement “I’ll take the damn test.”

As of press time, BeetPress has confirmed that Elizabeth Warren was in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s office offering $500 for a saliva sample.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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