SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Nearly three years into Trump’s presidency, liberals across America are longing for the days of yore, when Barack Obama was president, and the biggest concern facing most people was getting a brunch table at a trendy restaurant in a newly gentrified neighborhood.
“I can’t believe that just a few years ago gun violence wasn’t a thing people worried about,” said Trevor Daniels, who seemed to be oblivious to the 2012 massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School and the Aurora theater shooting, as well as the 2015 San Bernardino massacre, and the subsequent unheeded calls for common sense gun legislation, adding “but now it happens so frequently, it’s hard to justify just going out and enjoying an eggs Benedict without fear of being gunned down.”
Liberals cite a wide ranging list of social, economic, and environmental concerns as reasons why they’ve spent their time since January 20, 2017 crippled with concern.
“I used to enjoy a nice walk on the pier to work off those mimosas after meeting Dana and Brett for our weekly brunch date, but those days are behind us,” mourned Tabitha Hutsell. “Now all I can think about is deforestation in the Amazon [which has been going on for decades] and climate change, which I’m sure Hillary would have fixed.”
Concerned millennials in the Bay Area point to the fact that, in their minds, under the Obama administration one could graduate debt-free from a 4-year university and easily secure a lucrative career with excellent benefits making enough money to purchase a home in a desirable San Francisco neighborhood, and live a life of relative comfort before retiring at age 62 with a full pension.
“If Hillary was president now, I wouldn’t be saddled with over $80,000 in student debt, making just $16.25 per hour without benefits, and unable to afford my $1100 per month share of the rent,” complained Greta Braun. “I’d be eating Liège waffles with poached eggs and drinking Bloody Marys at Cassava with the girls.”
“There are kids locked in cages,” explained Megan Hemmel, [who was seemingly unaware that on any given day during the Obama administration upwards of 42,000 non-citizens, including children, were being held at over 200 detention facilities across the country] as to why she couldn’t enjoy a nice late-morning Sunday breakfast with her girlfriend. “I’ve looked into it, and the free range chickens that lay the eggs I would have had for brunch enjoy more freedom than those poor Honduran immigrants. Trump is ruining everyone’s lives.”
Forgetting that between 2009 and 2017, air strikes were launched by the United States military against Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Libya, Yemen, Somalia and Pakistan, concerned San Franciscans have vowed to boycott simple pleasures such as ordering one of everything and enjoying a family-style Brunch with their best friends until Trump is out of office.
“Just look at what Trump [who just fired his hawkish National Security Advisor for being opposed to peace talks with the Taliban and the Kim Jong Un regime] is doing in North Korea and Venezuela,” said Gregory Edgerly, who continued, “I can’t in good conscious enjoy a bacon and spinach quiche on a Sunday afternoon until he’s out of office. Vote blue no matter who!”