Trump Warns Ohio to Prepare for Hurricane Dorian

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump tweeted out to the residents of Ohio to hunker down and be prepared for the arrival of Hurricane Dorian later this week.

At a press conference, Trump reiterated his concern for Ohio. “This is a monster hurricane, huge hurricane, very wet, very wet hurricane, and it’s going to cause widespread damage across Ohio,” said the President, adding “We’re talking about a 25-foot storm surge in Columbus, 150 mile per hour winds in Cincinnati, and catastrophic damage in Cleveland. I am sending all resources to Ohio to deal with the aftermath.”

Trump then held up a map showing Hurricane Dorian’s projected path hand drawn to include Ohio.

A spokesperson for the National Hurricane Center told BeetPress “Hurricane Dorian’s projected path does not take it inland on the east coast. Even if the hurricane did make a turn inland, it would dissipate rapidly over land, and any remnant effects in Ohio would be minimal. What the President is saying isn’t even scientifically possible.”

While some believe that Trump is attempting to double down on his factually inaccurate tweet, residents of Ohio are heeding the warning, including Akron area convenience store clerk and Trump supporter Marlene Barlow, who said “I’m not taking any chances. If Donald Trump says a hurricane is coming to Ohio, then a hurricane is coming to Ohio. He’s never wrong about things.” Barlow plans to evacuate to her sister’s home in Morehead City, on the North Carolina coast.

As of press time, hurricane relief resources such as FEMA, the Coast Guard, the National Guard, clean up crews and utility company vehicles are being repositioned from the Carolinas to northern Kentucky in anticipation of Dorian’s arrival.

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Categories: culture, Politics, Satire

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