Beto O’Rourke Sends Expletive-laden Donation Plea

EL PASO, TX – Democratic presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke has delivered an expletive-laden plea for campaign donations, sources confirm.

“I’ve been traveling from coast to motherfucking coast meeting voters like you who are worried about the future of our kickass nation,” opened the impassioned email, which continued “I’m not accepting PAC money from rich assholes, douchebag lobbyists, or huge-ass corporations in this campaign.”

The email then implores the reader to make a contribution of at least five dollars.

The O’Rourke campaign got off to an impressive start in March, raising over six million dollars on the first day of his campaign. Since then, his fundraising hauls and standing in the polls have steadily faded. Political experts feel that by taking a more rough-around-the-edges approach, voters will once again begin to warm up to O’Rourke.

“What you’re starting to see here in his latest reboot is the passion that Beto has for this country,” said CNN political analyst Chris Cillizza, adding “and the new Beto is unfiltered, uncensored, and raw. I think it’s refreshing that he’s started speaking directly from the heart – other candidates should take note.”

As of press time, sources confirm that a lathered up and naked O’Rourke is recording a campaign video from his shower.


Categories: Politics, Satire

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