WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to not alienate voters, the democratic party has chosen a queer black middle-aged woman to seek the nomination for president. With such a diverse selection of […]
The 2020 election cycle is well underway, and many candidates have weighed in on a variety of topics. BeetPress will be visiting these topics to see where the candidates stand on the […]
PHILADELPHIA, PA – During a recent campaign strategy meeting, presidential candidate and former vice president Joe Biden was surprised to find that he is still the frontrunner, leading in all national polls. […]
NEW YORK, NY – Statistician and fivethirtyeight.com editor Nate Silver spent the bulk of Saturday evening masturbating to the latest DMR/Selzer polling data out of Iowa. “I had a date with some […]
BOSTON, MA – Democratic presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren has entered an inpatient rehabilitation facility to receive treatment for alcoholism after grabbing drinks with over 4000 supporters, sources close to the campaign have […]
FALLS CHURCH, VA – As the soft light of morning shone through the window and lapped across the face of Chris Cillizza, the CNN political commentator was disappointed to come to the […]
WASHINGTON, DC – The Democratic National Committee has announced the creation of a super-duper-delegate to deploy in the event second-ballot voting doesn’t select a nominee during a brokered convention. After calls for […]
BOSTON, MA – Sources close to the presidential candidate have reported that Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren is concerned that genomics and biotechnology company 23andMe has recently released a political ideology test. Warren, […]
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Nearly three years into Trump’s presidency, liberals across America are longing for the days of yore, when Barack Obama was president, and the biggest concern facing most people […]
WASHINGTON, DC – According to sources close to the former vice president, Joe Biden has taken over John Delaney’s body in an effort to revive his flailing campaign for president. After a […]
