Sanders Releases Plan to Erase Library Debt

BURLINGTON, VT – The Bernie Sanders campaign has released a comprehensive plan to erase overdue library fines for over 25 million Americans.

“In the United States of America, your financial life and future should not be destroyed because you or a member of your family had an overdue library book back in high school,” Sanders said in a press release previewing his plan. 

The announcement comes as welcome news for 28 year old Stephanie Burgess, who told BeetPress “I think I have like, $4 or $5 in library fines from a few years ago. My six year old daughter has been wanting to go to the library, but I’ve been dreading it because of those fines. This is welcome news that will benefit the financial wellbeing of my family.”

Under the plan, part of a broader library reform proposal, all library debt will be eliminated and unreturned books, regardless of how long they’re overdue, may be returned without penalty.

“We’ve been overdue for library reform for some time,” chuckled Multnomah County Library administrator Beth Gibbs, adding “but seriously, if people could return their library books, and maybe check out some new ones, that’d be great.”

According to 12 year old Shiloh McAbe, Sanders’ plan has positive ramifications that extend past the financial, saying “I took a book out last April for my report of volcanoes, but I forgot to return it. Then summer happened, and I was too busy with other things. My major concern was being able to check books out this coming school year because I couldn’t afford the fines which have accrued to almost nine dollars. The stress has been killing me; this could have easily ruined my whole future.”

Upon learning of Sanders’ plan, Elizabeth Warren released a statement saying she also has a plan that will eliminate library debt up to $25 for anyone who makes less than $10 per week in allowance.

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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