Dem Candidate Promises $1000/month if You Vote for Him, Nothing if You Don’t.

NEW YORK, NY – Democratic candidate and entrepreneur Andrew Yang has promised, if elected president, he will provide each American aged 18 – 64 a universal basic income (UBI) of $1000 per month if they vote for him in the democratic primary and general election.

According to the Yang 2020 campaign, voters who don’t support him in the primary but vote for him in the general election will receive $500, and those who don’t vote for him in either election will receive nothing.

“Just think what $12,000 extra per year can do for you and your family,” said Yang, adding “you’ll be assured that if your job is outsourced to robots, you’ll be able to feed your family, provided you voted for me in both elections.”

Supporters of Yang, affectionately referred to as the Yang Gang, cite the UBI as a panacea for many of the problems facing the nation, including unemployment and under employment, homelessness, lack of access to medical care, and global climate change.

“Global warming is a major concern of mine,” said Yang supporter Gretchen O’Neill, who continued “so I’m excited to use a portion of my UBI to invest in green technologies like windmills and solar power. This will fix everything!”

Voters on the fence about who they’ll support in the democratic primary have admitted to being enticed by Yang’s offer of $1000 per month, including Brett Hargrove, a University of Pennsylvania student who said “Tuition is now over $50,000 per year plus another $25,000 for housing, food, books, and transportation. With Yang’s UBI, I’ll only need to take out about $63,000 in student loans a year, so really, it’s going to benefit me tremendously. I’m seriously considering voting for the guy.”

Noah Ashbury, a Denver-area stoner is equally excited about the proposal, telling BeetPress “$1000 a month will pay for a lot of weed. I might actually make an effort to vote next year.”

While the prospect of $1000 per month is appealing to most, Yang would like to remind voters that it will take some effort on their part, saying “just remember, if you don’t vote for me in the primary, that’s $500 your not getting each month; $1000 down the drain if you pick Trump over me. Do the math.”

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Categories: Politics, Satire

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