Sanders Mourns Loss of 2nd Favorite Nemesis

NEW YORK, NY – Upon hearing the news of billionaire David Koch’s passing at age 79, Bernie Sanders bowed his head in quiet reflection of the thousands of times he had invoked Koch’s name to represent the greed of capitalist society.

Although he retired from Koch Industries in 2018, David was on the board of libertarian and conservative think tanks such as the Cato Institute, Americans for Prosperity, and the Reason Foundation.

“Hm, I guess Koch Brother doesn’t quite have the same ring to it in the singular,” muttered Sanders quietly, before adding “at least I still have Bezos and the Waltons.”

Sanders has regularly derided the Koch Brothers [Charles and David] at rallies and debates as the representation of a flawed political system and the overwhelming influence of the super wealthy in shaping policy, often pointing to the fact that the passing of Citizen’s United allowed the Koch Brothers to buy elections.

“David Koch was fundamentally opposed to everything I believe in. He used his vast wealth to spend huge sums of money influencing politics in his and his billionaire friends’ favor,” said Sanders. “But when it comes down to it, I’m going to miss having David as a whipping boy for the greed and corruption plaguing our political system.”

As of press time, Sanders had worked out on paper that the amount the Koch family will spend on David’s funeral will be more wealth than the bottom 20% of the US population combined.

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