Bill Maher Aroused Seeing Stock Market Plunge

LOS ANGELES, CA – Upon seeing the Dow Jones Industrial Average tumble by over 600 points on Thursday, Bill Maher, Comedian and host of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, reportedly became physically aroused.

“Oh man, look at those numbers falling,” Maher muttered to himself. “This has got to be the start of a recession.”

Maher, who’s net worth is in excess of $100 million, and who owns an $80 million stake in the New York Mets, recently explained to guests on his show that a recession would be harmful to Trump’s re-election chances, benefitting democrats even at the expense of people’s jobs and livelihoods.

“Oh, man, it’s going down even lower, oh, okay, getting hot in here,” Maher exclaimed, adjusting the trousers of his $598 Zimmerli silk pajamas.

The comedian, who owns a $231,000 Ferrari and lives in an exclusive Beverly Hills mansion, doubled down on his assertion that a recession would be the best chance to thwart a 2nd Trump term when questioned by Anthony Scaramucci, who noted that such an economic downturn would put thousands of low and moderate Americans out of work. “It would be worth it,” responded Maher.

As he stared at the downward-plunging red trend lines of the Dow Jones, NASDAQ, and S&P 500 on his iPhone 10X’s Stocks app, beads of sweat began to form on Maher’s forehead.

“If this baby dips below 25… oh, god. Oh my god, yes!” Maher shouted.

As of press time, Maher was reportedly wiping semen off of his stomach with a $72 Annie Selke Luxe hand towel.

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Categories: Business, Entertainment, Satire

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