Nate Silver Undergoes Complete Statistectomy

NEW YORK, NY – According to sources, political analyst and editor-in-chief of fivethirtyeight.com Nate Silver underwent a complete statistectomy after the 2016 election.

“Upon closer examination, we began to understand that Mr. Silver’s ability to use statistics and data to make predictions had become severely atrophied,” said Dr. Theodore H. Schwartz, chief neurosurgeon at the Weill Cornell Brain and Spine Center, adding “in the end, we decided that a complete statistectomy was required before other parts of the brain became affected.”

Formerly described as a master statistician, the highlight of Silver’s career was his accurate prediction of the 2012 presidential election results, correctly forecasting the results of all 50 states, beating his performance in 2008 where he stunned politicos by correctly predicting results in 49 states, missing only Indiana, which unexpectedly fell into Obama’s column.

The results of both these elections, which every voter in America could see from a mile away, galvanized Silver’s credibility in the news media and to political junkies from coast to coast. And then things started going south for Silver.

In 2016, he appeared as a guest on numerous news networks, gleefully boasting that his analysis forecast a near-certain victory for Hillary Clinton. She’d win Michigan, he said. She’d win Wisconsin. She’d win Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Florida. On November 8th, everyone who’d relied on Silver’s interpretation of analytical data was stunned. Nate Silver was completely wrong. Donald Trump won, and with it, the reputation of pundits from MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow to CNN’s John King were forever tarnished.

Without the use of statistics, Silver now spends his time making ageist statements about Joe Biden, praising Elizabeth Warren, and criticizing the Bernie Sanders campaign on Twitter, appearing on cable news shows informing viewers that poll results are generally meaningless, and pointing out the fact that Donald Trump’s support has remained constant throughout his presidency.

“It has really been a fall from grace,” said Jessica Patton, a New York area psychologist, who continued “People used to turn to Nate Silver for all sorts of election news and statistical analysis, and they really trusted him. But he blew it big time in 2016, and he’s now desperate to maintain his relevance by retweeting factually misleading information from the corporate news networks.”

As of press time, Nate Silver confirmed that he’s going to forget about numbers completely and focus his energy on his model train hobby.

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Categories: Entertainment, Politics, Satire

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